NOVEMBER 1, 2024
How to Set Boundaries with Family During the Holidays (and Stick to Them!)
The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy, connection, and relaxation, but for many, it can also bring stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Whether it's overbearing relatives, family expectations, or old wounds being reopened, it’s important to protect your peace.
Here’s the truth: Setting boundaries is an essential part of maintaining your well-being. It’s about saying, “I matter too,” and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you smart.
Why Setting Boundaries is Important
-
Protecting Your Mental Health: Boundaries safeguard your emotional space. They prevent others from crossing lines that may cause you stress, anxiety, or emotional burnout. Think of boundaries as the emotional bubble wrap you use to protect yourself from being overwhelmed.
-
Preserving Your Energy: Family gatherings can be draining, especially when everyone has expectations or opinions about your life. Setting limits allows you to conserve your energy for the things and people that matter most to you—without feeling guilt.
-
Avoiding Resentment: When you don’t communicate your boundaries, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overcommitting or giving more than you’re comfortable with. This can lead to feelings of resentment or frustration. Setting boundaries allows you to participate in family events in a way that feels balanced and healthy for you.
- Maintaining Healthy Relationships: Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about creating clear guidelines on how you wish to interact with others. Healthy boundaries lead to healthier relationships because they encourage mutual respect.
How to Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them!)
-
Know Your Limits
Before you even get to the family gathering, take time to reflect on your emotional and physical limits. Ask yourself what you can realistically handle. Maybe it’s deciding that you’ll attend the family dinner but won’t stay the entire day. Or perhaps it’s limiting certain conversations that tend to trigger stress or conflict.
-
Communicate Clearly and Kindly
Boundary-setting doesn’t have to be confrontational. Use "I" statements to express your needs. For example, "I need some alone time after dinner to recharge," or "I won’t be discussing my relationship status this year." This creates clarity without the need for defensiveness or argument.
-
Be Prepared for Pushback
Let’s face it—some family members may not respect your boundaries, and that’s okay. What matters is that you remain consistent. You don’t have to justify, argue, or defend your boundaries. A simple, calm reminder of your needs is enough.
-
Stick to Your Guns
The hardest part of boundary-setting is sticking to them. If someone continues to push, politely but firmly remind them of the boundary. “I’ve already shared that I’m not comfortable talking about that, let’s change the subject.” It’s okay to repeat yourself if necessary.
Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Love
Boundaries are how we teach others to treat us. They are a reflection of our self-worth and self-love. When you set boundaries, you’re telling yourself and others that you deserve respect, care, and emotional safety. This holiday season, let your boundaries serve as a reminder that you are your priority.
Need help defining your boundaries? The Simply Lovable® Companion Workbook includes activities designed to help you get clear on your emotional needs, set healthy boundaries, and navigate challenging family dynamics. You’ve got the power—now protect your peace!
